JenniferM | On 27, Dec 2012

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, so I thought I would update you all on what’s happening with me, why I’ve been pretty much silent for the past couple months, and where I’m heading.  I am actually having a pretty good day today symptom wise, so I feel like I will soon be able to start updating SF regularly.  Of course, I thought that back in October as well when I made our Change, It’s a Comin’ post as well, so I can’t promise anything right now other than I will try.  That’s the best I can offer right now.

Life Threw a Wrench in the Works…

Since May of this year, right after my vacation, I’ve been suffering from some mystery illness (or more than one, I don’t know yet).  After 30+ visits since then to various specialists, feeling like a ping-pong ball being paddled back and forth between these specialists, experiencing serious side effects from the medications that were supposed to “help me” get better, and my body being pretty much ravaged by those medications and over-the-counter garbage I took out of desperation, which in no way helped me either, I have to be honest and say that I have almost given up on “modern medicine.”  The only thing that has kept me hanging on since November is the fact that I have an appointment with my “old” ENT on 1/9.  I call him my “old” ENT because he’s the one who I entrusted to perform my sinus surgery in November of 2007 and who actually did a wonderful job and the man who I credit for my not having a single problem until May of this year and who I haven’t seen since my 6-week follow-up all those years ago.  I am holding onto the hope he can help me because I already have it in my head that I am going to beg for his help and stay planted in his office if I have to until he agrees to get to the bottom of it because every other doctor, even though the issues I am having and that are causing me trouble are clearly visible upon examination, have basically thrown their hands up in the air and given up on me (two of which have come right out and told me so).

The Wrench Caused the Machine to Break…

Because I was having more bad days than good days, my life literally stopped months ago.  I stopped working out.  I really stopped eating too because I had no appetite.  I would force myself to eat once a day, if possible, but sometimes the pain was so intense, there were days I just couldn’t even eat once per day.  I engaged in no activities I enjoy, including hanging out with my family.  Needless to say, in addition to the side effects from the meds, I also had side effects from not working out and more importantly, not eating.  I was exhausted from pain, from not eating, from lack of physical activity and lack of sleep.  Whatever “this” is causes debilitating symptoms, so basically I have been doing what I can, when I can, and trying to just keep getting out of bed each day even though my wish of “It’ll be better tomorrow” that I said to myself every night/early morning before finally dozing off for a few minutes sleep didn’t seem to be coming true.

Picking up that Wrench and Throwing it the Hell out of the Way…

I reached a point a few weeks ago where I decided enough is enough…I HAVE to go on with my life or something resembling it until I find an answer.  So I started working out again and trying to make sure I eat regularly.  The workouts, even tho’ short, were really tough to get through not only because I have lost a lot of muscle mass over the past few months, but because my symptoms would oftentimes get worse with exertion.   And about a week in, I suffered a setback and was put on antibiotics yet again (I’ve been on antibiotics 2 to 3 weeks out of every month for months!).  To add insult to injury, before I even finished the course of antibiotics, I caught the flu last week…just in time for Christmas.  Needless to say, I’ve definitely gotten enough sleep the past week!

Since I had only finished two weeks of the Chalean Extreme workouts, I am just going to start over and see what happens.  The worst that can happen, I suppose, is that I get even sicker once again, but I can NOT stand to sit one more minute in this life that really has become no life at all…at least not the one I was used to and definitely not the one I want.

So that’s the journey I’ve been on.  I have no idea what the future holds.  Since I seem to have more good days than bad now, as compared to before when a good day was only once every few weeks, if at all, I may be on the upward mend and maybe this mystery illness is finally done with me.  I hope so because my body is tired.  And while my spirit has taken a good ass whupping, I refuse to give up.  I WILL find an answer, and in the meantime, I WILL get my life back.